Are you married and feeling like you’re living with a roommate instead of your spouse? If so, you’re not alone. Many marriages enter a ‘roommate phase’ where the couple feels disconnected and more like two people living under the same roof than a married couple. 

While this can be an alarming feeling, it is important to know that this is a normal phase of marriage that many couples face. 

In this blog post, we’ll explore the ‘roommate phase’ of marriage and discuss what nobody tells you about this stage of married life.

The first few years are the hardest

When you first get married, everything seems magical. You’re living with the love of your life and you’re ready to conquer the world together. But soon enough, reality sets in, and you realize that there’s so much more to marriage than just romance.

The early years of marriage can be challenging, especially when it comes to living with your spouse. You may find yourself adjusting to living with someone else, dealing with each other’s quirks, and navigating each other’s routines.

One of the biggest challenges you may face during this period is trying to find the right balance between your individual needs and those of your partner. This may mean compromising on things like chores, daily schedules, or even financial decisions.

It’s also important to remember that during the early years, you’re still getting to know each other on a deeper level. You may have been dating for years before getting married, but living together 24/7 is a whole new ball game. As a result, you may encounter conflicts or misunderstandings that you never thought would arise.

But the good news is that it gets easier with time. As you grow and learn together, you’ll become more attuned to each other’s needs and preferences, and the “roommate phase” will become less of a challenge. The early years may be hard, but they are also a crucial period for laying a solid foundation for a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage.

You will never have as much free time

When you first get married, you may find that you have more free time than you know what to do with. You and your spouse may spend hours lounging around in your pajamas, watching TV, or just enjoying each other's company. But as time goes on, you will start to notice that your free time starts to disappear. Suddenly, there are bills to pay, chores to do, and other responsibilities that take up most of your time.

It's important to understand that this is a normal part of marriage. As you build a life together, you will both take on more responsibilities, which means less time for leisure activities. This can be a difficult adjustment, especially if you're used to having a lot of free time on your hands.

However, it's important to make time for each other, even if it's just a few minutes here and there. You don't have to spend every moment together, but it's important to make an effort to connect and stay connected. Whether it's a quick phone call during your lunch break or a date night once a week, carving out time for each other will help you maintain your bond and stay connected despite the busy schedules and demands of daily life.

Remember that your marriage is a partnership, and you will both have to work together to find a balance between work, responsibilities, and leisure time. Be open and honest with each other about your needs and expectations, and work together to find solutions that work for both of you. With time and effort, you can create a happy and fulfilling marriage that stands the test of time.

You will have to compromise on some things

Marriage is all about teamwork and collaboration, and this includes making compromises. When you first get married, it can be tempting to want everything your way, but that’s just not feasible. Living with another person requires that both of you make adjustments to accommodate each other’s needs and wants.

The ‘roommate phase’ of marriage is when couples settle into a comfortable routine of sharing their lives together. However, this doesn’t mean that you’ll automatically agree on everything. It’s important to be open and honest about your preferences, likes, and dislikes, and then find a middle ground that works for both of you.

Perhaps one of you is an early riser, while the other loves to sleep in. You may need to compromise on your morning routines so that you don’t disturb each other. Maybe you prefer a minimalist decor, but your spouse loves clutter. In this case, it’s important to find a compromise that allows both of you to be happy in your shared living space.

Compromise doesn’t always mean giving in, but it’s about finding a way to work together. When you learn to compromise, it can lead to a happier, healthier marriage. By putting your spouse’s needs and wants on equal footing with your own, you create a sense of mutual respect and consideration. Over time, this will strengthen your relationship and create a stronger sense of partnership.

There will be some tough conversations

Marriage is not always sunshine and rainbows. Along with the beautiful moments, there will be tough conversations that you will have to have with your spouse. These conversations can range from discussing finances, household chores, children, family dynamics, or any other important topic that requires mutual decision-making. It's not easy to have difficult conversations, but avoiding them will only lead to resentment and further issues down the road. 

When entering into the roommate phase of your marriage, it's crucial to establish effective communication with your spouse. Open communication will allow you to address concerns before they turn into major problems. Remember that the goal is not to hurt each other but to work towards a solution that benefits both of you. It's important to listen actively and be respectful of each other's opinions. 

In addition, it's essential to pick the right time to have these conversations. Don't bring up important topics during an argument or when one of you is stressed or tired. Instead, set aside dedicated time to discuss these issues when both of you are in a calm and peaceful state of mind. 

Tough conversations are not always easy, but they are necessary for a healthy marriage. These conversations help build trust, understanding, and compromise, which are key components to a successful partnership. Don't be afraid to have the tough conversations with your spouse, because avoiding them will only lead to further issues.

You will learn more about yourself

The ‘roommate phase’ of marriage is not just about learning to live with someone else, but it’s also an opportunity for self-discovery. As you adjust to living with your partner, you may start to notice aspects of yourself that you never paid attention to before. You may discover things about yourself that you never knew existed, both good and bad.

For example, you may realize that you have certain quirks or habits that you never realized before. Perhaps you are an early riser and prefer to wake up at the crack of dawn, while your spouse prefers to sleep in. This can create some conflicts that require compromise.

Moreover, you may also uncover deeper aspects of your personality that you may not have known existed. Perhaps you realize that you have a tendency to bottle up your emotions, or that you struggle with communicating effectively. Whatever it is, this phase of your marriage will present an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth.

Learning more about yourself can also help you to understand your spouse better. When you are more self-aware, you will be more conscious of your actions and how they may impact your partner. You will also be better equipped to communicate your needs and desires, which can strengthen your relationship.

Overall, the ‘roommate phase’ of marriage is not just about living with someone else, but it’s also an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. As you learn more about yourself, you will be better equipped to navigate the ups and downs of married life, and to build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship with your spouse.

You will grow closer to your spouse

While the roommate phase of marriage may be a difficult time, it's also a period where you and your spouse can grow closer together. Sharing a space with someone else isn't always easy, but it can lead to a deeper level of understanding and appreciation for each other.

During this phase, you'll likely face some challenges that will test your relationship. Whether it's learning to compromise on household chores or finding a balance between alone time and time spent together, navigating these obstacles together can bring you closer.

As you work through these challenges, you may also discover new things about each other that you never knew before. Maybe your spouse has a hidden talent for cooking or a passion for hiking that you never knew about. Taking the time to learn more about each other can strengthen your bond and deepen your connection.

Ultimately, the roommate phase of marriage can be a period of growth and discovery. While it may not always be easy, it's a time that can bring you closer to your spouse and lay the foundation for a strong and fulfilling partnership.